April 28, 2003

Haven't heard a thing...

So Mike called me at work earlier and says 'What have you been up to for the last week? You haven't put anything on your website'.

To be honest there hasn't been much to tell. I think Mike's just worried 'cos this is his last week at work, so this'll be the first place he'll read about my exploits. Should be some good stories to tell after his leaving do at the end of the week and maybe, dare I say it, photos?

Oh, skwerl news: Having finally arranged to have my rodent resident evicted by the landlord this week, there's been no sign of it since last Wednesday. Can't see it, can't hear it, and can't figure out how it gets in and out of the attic. Secret Squirrel indeed...

Maybe it's really lazy and decided to hibernate for a couple more months? Maybe it got roasted trying to bury it's nuts under the pylon down the road in the rain? Or perhaps it lost playing chicken with the Puma across the street and it's gone down for the Goodyear/tarmac nap?

Whatever happened, I get to sleep at night, which works for me.

April 20, 2003

Happy Easter

Unfortunately, I have a headache and a sore throat today. This means that, rather than chocolate, I'll be marking the occassion with Asprin and strawberry jelly. Oh, the joy.

April 18, 2003

I knew it!

There I was taking a walk - as is customary on a warm, sunny and generally gorgeous day like today - crossing over the motorway bridge on my way to the common and I saw the darnest thing.

Everyone with a car has been there at one point or another: you'll be cruising along, shades on with your own particular motorway sunshine soundtrack in the background when, for no good reason, all the cars just slow down. You crawl along for about a mile until, as suddenly as you stop, the cars speed up and everyone carries on. What holds the traffic up? I didn't know, until today.

As I reached the halfway point of the bridge I noticed that the traffic was a little on the light side. As I peered down the carriageway, I saw why: two of those big people-mover type vehicles making their way slowly up the road in the middle and left hand lanes at about fourty miles an hour, with all the other traffic filtering round them the only way they could - in the fast lane.

Nothing was obstructing either or the cars, and neither of them was showing any interest in overtaking the other, until eventually they reached the bridge and they both sped up and carried on. I don't get it? Is that it? Is that what always happens? Is what some people do for kicks after they've dropped their partner, kids, pets and other assorted domestic payload off for the day?

I used to fear people-movers for what they represented to a young single man (that is, having a family so large that it requires an extra row of seats and another pair of doors to cart them round) but I think there's something more sinister to them than that. Perhaps the people mover is trying to become the new white van?

April 17, 2003

Any given Tuesday

This is the first report from our weekly football games against the Chilworth lads. Credit to Matab for providing this weeks account:

- Steve and Bryan pull something in their respective legs within the first minute.
- Lasse goes down as Simon puts Chilworth 1-0 up and Lasse out.
- Matab immediately brings the score line level from the centre spot.
- 2-1 To Chilworth as Lasse sits out Bryan is Immobilised at the halfway line and Steve on the left
- Rob attempts to repeat Matab's success from the centre spot. He fails.
- 2-2 Matab Runs past 3 chilworth defenders to slot the ball in
- 3-2 Chilworth score
- Again Rob attempts to repeat Matab's success from the centre spot. Fails again
- 4-2 Chilworth score
- Rob attempts to score from centre spot. Fails.
- 5-2 Chilworth score
- Rob's game strategy becomes apparent to the Chilworth team...
- 6-2 Chilworth score
- 7-2 Chilworth score
- Chilworth say the score is 8-2. For some reason we believe them.
- 9-2 Chilworth let us have one of their players as Bryan sits out
- 9-3 Rob breaks his duck and Chilworths scoring run. Swap ends
- 10-3 Bloke with perm scores for Chilworth
- Dave and Steve depart
- 10-4 Simon joins NUHC and scores
- 10-5 Dougie Chips the keeper from 20 yards
- 11-5 Someone scored for Chilworth
- 11-6 Pete gets one back
- 11-7 Simon scores
- 12-7 Chilworth seal the match

Man of the Match:- Someone from the other team

Next week, maybe we'll actually get the names of the members of the other team.

April 16, 2003

All fall down

Thinking nothing could top last week's post-football pain and misery, we staged a second round against the guys from the science park. Everything went well...for the first five minutes. Then Lasse, playing in goal, was knocked down and smacked his head up, putting him out of the game.

After that it all went squarely pear-shaped (?) as Bryan was struck down by a mysterious unexplained leg injury and Steve, unable to play with his right leg, spent the rest of the game pivoting around on his left leg, waiting for someone from the opposition to run up to him and tackle themselves. You can pretty much guess who won.

Anyway, I've been persuaded by the guys to post weekly match reports, so you can hear regular updates of our progress (or lack thereof). This weeks is coming tomorrow.'s so exciting!

April 09, 2003

Afternoon after

Don't you just hate it when you get muscle cramp that just won't quit, no matter how much you try and stretch? You'd think that after however many months of regular self torture down the gym that one little game of touch rugby wouldn't hurt, wouldn't you?

Well, to be fair it didn't. Until this afternoon. Seems like all that work at getting fit just puts off the inevitable pain for a few more hours, until you've no choice but to hobble home from work like a crab with a limp.


April 07, 2003

Bird of Prey

This I have to see... a giant flying robotic bird of prey that can imitate the call of a peregrine falcon and can use a cellphone.

And why? To stop pigeons from being a nuisance and pooing everywhere. I ask you: if you were a pigeon, what would you do if you saw a giant fibreglass peregrine falcon swooping toward you with the Nokia tune coming from under it's wing?

April 01, 2003

The man from UNCLE

Yes, it's official. After what seems like forever, my sister has produced a little girl. I could reel off weights and measures, but to be honest they mean very little to me. I mean, it's a baby, not a turkey. If it's small enough to be easily portable then that's what matters, right?

I have to say I'm more excited about this uncle business than I thought I'd be, but I'll just have to wait 'till the weekend to visit mother and sproglet. Congratulations to the new parents and I'll see you all soon.