greenhamster.co.uk

September 29, 2003

The day that time forgot

Today has had a distinctly Sliding Doors feel to it (aside from the marked and in some ways unfortunate absence of Gwyneth Paltrow that is). It could've been so much more productive had I not been cheated out of two whole hours by the cruel gods of fate (and Seiko).

The reason for this harsh punishment? As I crossed the road for work this morning I missed an opportunity to leap though a tiny gap between a Volvo estate and a people carrier. Instead of cheating death and dismemberment at the hands of a reinforced aluminium bumper, I did what Charlie the cat taught me (MEEEOWW).

Yes, I paused, I hesitated, and the Timmy Mallets of timekeeping just kept bashing me on the head from that point onward. There wasn't an opening in the traffic for five minutes. I eventually got to work to find people building in the main entrance, so I had to go round back. Another four minutes. This made me late for a meeting that overran by fifteen minutes.

Because of those fifteen minutes I was caught for twenty minutes behind an accident on the way to an appoinment in town, so I then had to wait twenty five minutes for the next one. Just to round it off, having gone a different way to avoid the accident on the way in, I ran into another one on the way back. I swear if I wasn't so pleased with the way my hair was behaving today, I'd have started tearing it out. Or at the very least started braiding the 'burns a little...

Ok, so I may have made up a few minutes by being late for the sandwich stampede, but all in all I'm feeling a bit swindled. I'm not going to get that time back, and frankly that scares me a little. Tomorrow it'll be Carpe Diem all the way.

I expect to be run over before eight o'clock.

September 24, 2003

Suits me? Not really

"Electronic paper may lead to watchable clothing."

Quite how Nature journal made the leap between electronic colour paper, electro-optic devices and then to suits displaying moving pictures escapes me completely, but it could pass as a tenuous link to London Fashion Week.

Never been a follower of 'high' fashion. I'm usually garbed up in an uninspired combination of dark colours and am constantly at least one season behind what's commonly acceptable: in high school I would sweat my way through the first couple of weeks of summer in a regulation blue sweater and these days you'll no doubt catch me on any given October morning, sporting a rash of goosebumps and feverishly rubbing the last rays of summer sun into my exposed forearms.

But even with my acute lack of fashion sense, I can't imagine anything worse than having my clothes animated. That's probably because the first thing I imagined was a big loud Hawaiian shirt featuring with big pink and yellow flowers blowing in the breeze, with little bees buzzing between them. Gah!

I think the biggest crime you'd find in the fashion vacuum that is my wardrobe is a Transformers T-shirt (from when they were cool the first time round!). Anyone got anything to top that?

September 21, 2003

Welcome to v4

Notice anything different? No? Ok.

This is the new design. The old white has been ditched in favour of something a little gritter. A couple of apologies: firstly for the loss of the style switcher (no-one was using the thing anyway) and for the rather large, self-indulgent banner on the main page.

There are a few issues outstanding, a few new things to add, but I promised Sunday, and Sunday it is. Just.

Make no mistake about it: change is certainly afoot here at greenhamster. There'll be more new stuff to come over the next week, but right now it's a school night, and I'm off to bed. Night night.

September 19, 2003

Rash of redesign

Feeling a little guilty that I did nothing to mark greenhamster's first birthday, I've been inspired by pixelkitty and graybo to get off my backside and actually do something with this site's design. Expect an outage on Sunday while I switch styles.

I'm gonna miss this layout: it's nice, clean, easy to read, all things a good website should be. But it's been up for over a year and the shine is starting to wear off. Kinda like a favorite t-shirt that's been worn too many times. There'll probably be sores underneath where the scripts have been rubbing together.

But it's got to be done. I'd do it tomorrow and get it over with, but instead I'm going to London to grill pigeons underneath David Blaine.

September 17, 2003

Seething hatred

Some son of a B*#%* M$*#+[^$*~*G ~#H$& ?&I;# A^#*~ $%&* $@+%$# has put a dent in the back of my car! One of my own neighbours as well, and they've not even had the decency to own up to it.

I tell you, whoever it is had better pray for something bad to happen to one of us before I find them. There are sooooooo many bad thoughts going through my head right now that whatever cruel unusual and twisted fate they can imagine for themselves is barely a fart in a gas chamber to what I'm capable of dreaming up.

*$#?+}$.

September 16, 2003

Our treacherous toys

When all else fails and there's nothing to blog about, we can always blog about blogging. It's a practice that seems to really nark some technologists off - viewing us like group of amateur radio operators clogging up their airwaves with pointless junk and generally lowering the quality of their Internet. And they might be partly right, but it's not just their Internet: it's ours too, this technology exists to serve everyone. Media like the telephone, the radio and even the Internet are supposed to bring people closer together, for better or for worse...

So it's a shame when we have to watch technology pushing us apart. More and more you hear stories of phones, email and PCs betraying us, allowing us to think we can get away with it (whatever your particular it may be) and then ruthlessly grassing us up.

But then, if nature has a balance I suppose it's only fair that science does as well. We make it easier for ourselves to be bad, technology makes it easier for us to get caught.

September 15, 2003

Wide Awake

Ok, it's 2.30 in the morning, it's a school night, and I'm awake. Wide awake. I've been in bed for over three-and-a-half hours, and not even a little drowsy. I don't think Mr Sandman likes my new pyjamas.

It's all my own fault really. Spent the afternoon in Costa with a friend, filling in the blanks from Friday night's town decorating. When my coffee arrived in a mug that required two handles to operate, I should've smelt trouble. But I didn't. My nose couldn't see it's way past the cinnamonny goodness, and I drank it down like a fool.

Sweet dreams all.

September 11, 2003

Working Daze

It's only September and already the nights are starting to rub seductively against the ends of the working day. The last few days I've caught them skulking away in the morning as I walk out the front door, like they know they're not supposed to be there. They're all the more mysterious for me, working as I do in a building with no natural light, so the evening creeps up and surprises me when it's time to punch out.

If it were my call, longer nights would mean longer lie-ins and longer nights out for everyone. But it isn't, so it doesn't. It means dark mornings followed by darker evenings and that the only light of my life is the sickly fluorescent glow of the office overhead strips.

Don't give up on us just yet summer.

September 09, 2003

God isn't a DJ

Perhaps not, but could God could be a pipe organ? Seriously, some scientists seem to be spending an awful lot of time hanging out churches and cathedrals of late. Just from the Beeb, you've got these guys back in May looking to convince us that ghosts don't exist, yesterday they were all feeling religious because of vibrating organs. Today they're talking about girls and boys choirs.

Didn't we cover this last year with 'Popstars - The Rivals'? As I recall the girls won.

I think the EU court was right to offer equal opportunities to girls, even if that opportunity is in a separate choir. Quite how a complaint like this got that far is beyond me. If you ever happen to be watching one of those Sunday morning 'Songs of *insert uplifting religious word*' shows, you'll notice the church do try to stay modern in their approach to music. If you want evidence, you only have to look at their use of 'infrasound' to stimulate spirituality. I've never seen a church organ up close, but if I ever do I'm going to be looking for the one of those little pully-knobs that's marked 'XTREME BASS'. I'll bet its in there...

September 07, 2003

Back with a vengeance

Or were they just in hiding? A foray into the forgotten wilderness that is my bedroom cupboard this afternoon disturbed not one, not two but three big hairy-assed spiders. I say hairy-assed, because spiders anatomically do have hairy asses, and these characters were big enough to warrant a waxing.

Veterans say that one of the worst things about hand-to-hand combat is having to look into the eyes of the enemy as you attack. For me, it's similar with spiders. I do have a respect for life (even creepy crawly life), and there's always that little niggly doubt about some bad karma calling to wreak havoc on my already troubled social life, so when one of them crawled out of a sports bag across my hand, you can imaging my terror as I glanced at his multi-boogly-eyed features before slamming the back of my hand against the wall.

The other two were more mercifully released at the top of the garden, which today didn't seem quite long enough. Now I have a bruised hand and a brown smear-with-legs on my light peach wall. I'd post a picture, but kids visit here, and I don't want to give them nightmares. No-one should have to see peach walls.

It may or may not be a coincidence that Stuart posted on just this topic on Friday, but maybe he was right. Perhaps they are coming back? Did they ever leave? Maybe they've been in there for a whole year, training, re-grouping? If it's true none of us are safe. I for one will be sleeping with a jam jar and an elastic-bound copy of the Guardian (when you take the supplements out, it's actually not that big...) next to my bed.